Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of samalmightysam's best tweets

@samalmightysam : My life is like that Rihanna song :work, work and work, and then I don't understand anything else.

@samalmightysam: Don't worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex's name tattooed.

@samalmightysam: What I learned from Titanic was that u need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person u like cause u never know what might happen.

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@samalmightysam: -Knock Knock!
-Who is it?
-The love of your life.
- :) Really?
-Hahahaha no, it's the pizza you ordered.

@samalmightysam: I don't know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.

@samalmightysam: • You're born.
• You grow up.
• You believe in Santa.
• You stop believing in Santa.
• You look like Santa.
• You are Santa.
• You die.

@samalmightysam: Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him.

@samalmightysam: That awkward moment when a person says they need their beauty sleep when what they really need is plastic surgery.

@samalmightysam: Never marry a girl whose mother's name is Hope.... because 'Hope' never dies.