Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of samdunsiger's best tweets

@samdunsiger : Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

@samdunsiger: If people ever criticize you for being too short, they are literally saying that the worst thing about you is that there isn't more of you.

@samdunsiger: "Make it rain" is the only appropriate response when asked if you want parmesan cheese.

@samdunsiger: Me: *puts on hand sanitizer*

0.0002% of germs: Noooooo!

@samdunsiger: [How salad was created]

You know, it would taste better if there was more of us.

- Single piece of lettuce

@samdunsiger: Millions of years of evolution have moulded us into a species that struggles to open the wrong ends of garbage bags.