Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of seamussaid's best tweets

@seamussaid : my new app automatically cuts wifi access to your teen's phone if they are in the bathroom over 10min

@seamussaid: only baby boomers will get this:

*pension*

@seamussaid: FIRST GUY TO RECEIVE A LETTER IN AN ENVELOPE: oh I get it she wrapped up a piece of paper in.... another piece of paper

@seamussaid: when my daughter is mad she points at me and delivers what I can only assume is a gypsy curse

@seamussaid: hey Disney-Pixar here's an idea maybe make a movie where the daughter ACTUALLY LISTENS TO HER FATHER

@seamussaid: I may toss the cat into my teen's room when he snoozes his alarm

if he fails to check his pillow for catnip before bed that's his own fault

@seamussaid: my daughter hones her survival instincts by forgoing the provided bowl and spreading goldfish crackers all over the house to forage & store

@seamussaid: I realize not everyone is cool with Easter egg hunts, but they are vital. They help manage the egg population and keep it at healthy levels

@seamussaid: Lunchables™? huge waste of money! I have my kids mill their own wheat then hunt, kill & field strip a wild bologna

@seamussaid: son you're getting older and one way I show my trust in you is letting you tackle some tough jobs on your own;
bathing the cat for starters