Funny Tweeter

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Page of seandunn76's best tweets

@seandunn76 : Did I remember to take Ambien? I'll ask my lamp. He's speaking German but maybe I'll get the gist.

@seandunn76: Me: Kensington, fetch me my robe.

K: You sold your robe and everything else you own so you could afford a butler.

Me: Hold me, Kensington.

@seandunn76: Ever notice how a piece of lint on a sheet can look like a scary insect?

Unrelated, is anyone selling a mattress? Mine is on fire.

@seandunn76: I don't think my accident resulted in a concussion and also I don't think my accident resulted in a concussion.

@seandunn76: "Oh boy, what a day of having sex with real women," I yell too loud while passing my microwave.

@seandunn76: This total stranger wanted to have a spontaneous tickle fight on the street and...oh...nope, never mind I'm being robbed. Guys I'm being rob

@seandunn76: Alex: This term indicates a zero score in tennis.

Contestant: What is love?

*dance party erupts*

@seandunn76: 4 in 3 people have syphilis. Look to your left. Look to your right. One of you has syphilis twice.

@seandunn76: Patients get nervous when I walk into surgery wearing my lucky cape but I didn't go to medical school so I need all the luck I can get.

@seandunn76: "What about this? What about this? And this?"--me, taunting museum curator MC Hammer.