@sfreeze6: I want to be a large, Southern black woman who fans herself in church when I grow up.
@sfreeze6: [on deathbed - calls for son]
".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."
@sfreeze6: [HR office]
HR: you know why you're here, right?
HR: you can't "contract" Down's Syndrome & you can't call in sick with it
@sfreeze6: Seize the day. Repossess the evening. Impound last week. Forcibly confiscate the entire month of September.
@sfreeze6: [2015 Bird Awards]
AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO...HORNED GUAN
(Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)
@sfreeze6: So who WERE Huey, Dewey and Louie's parents, anyway? And why did they let them spend so much time with their insane, pantsless uncle?
@sfreeze6: Eye of the tiger. Nose of the lion. Mouth of the lynx. Ear of the bobcat. Throat of the cougar. Forehead of the ocelot.
@sfreeze6: One time I accidentally listened to a John Mayer song & spontaneously generated 2 thumb rings before it was over.