@shegotagronk: Don't cry because it's over, smile because you were able to steal 12 of his hoodies.
@shegotagronk: Realized it was time to seek help for my Twitter addiction after I opened a carton of eggs and said "Oh look, 12 new followers!"
@shegotagronk: I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
@shegotagronk: The camera adds 10 pounds. The front facing iPhone camera adds 437 pounds.
@shegotagronk: It's fine when Santa does it, but when I see you when you're sleeping & know when you're awake it's "creepy" and "sir, you're under arrest"
@shegotagronk: My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.
@shegotagronk: You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
@shegotagronk: Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I'm in the floor hanging on for dear life.