@shopkins776: When you say "You're gonna hate me for this" you're making an awfully large assumption that I don't hate you already
@shopkins776: With all due respect to the Spice Girls. If you're gonna be my lover, I would prefer it if you didn't get with my friends
@shopkins776: Thanks for yelling at me and calling me names on the internet. I have the same opinion as you do now
@shopkins776: I never make New Year's resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add "This time I'm serious"
@shopkins776: *Lying in hospital
Doctor)Your back is broken in 6 places. You may never walk again
Me)At least I got all the groceries in one trip
@shopkins776: Do you wish you were always broke?
Are you tired of having a thriving social life?
Is too much sleep boring you?
Parenthood. It's for you
@shopkins776: I was told you have to wait an hour after you finish eating to swim. I didn't know there was such a thing as an hour after you finish eating
@shopkins776: Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car
@shopkins776: Karma Chameleon is my favorite song about lizards getting what's coming to them