Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of shwebby3's best tweets

@shwebby3 : Pissing Blood is bad right? PHEW! false alarm guys, its Ketchup! ... Pissing Ketchup is bad right?

@shwebby3: Went off roading with my prius but ended up getting stuck on a bonsai tree in neighbor's front yard

@shwebby3: •Woozy woman comes up•
"OMG I'm-I'm gonna faint!"

"Go ahead, knock yourself out"

@shwebby3: Did some Doomsday Prepping today

Have enough food for 71 minutes

@shwebby3: *Pulls away from Kissing*

Me: This isn't weird is it?

Cat: Meow

@shwebby3: She said she wanted to see other people

So I bought a disguise

@shwebby3: Her: Are you okay?

Me: Yea, Great! This isn't even my blood!

@shwebby3: Clean and jerk is a weight lifting term?

Oh... *Tosses tissues in the trash*

@shwebby3: THE POWER OF NACHOS COMPELS YOU!

THE POWER OF NACHOS COMPELS YOU!

@shwebby3: Anytime I see a motorcyclist weaving in and out of traffic and performing tricks

I always root for the pavement