@simoncholland: I asked what I could bring for Thanksgiving this year and my mom said it was up to me so I'm bringing a wireless router.
@simoncholland: [5:45 AM]
Daughter: "Daddy can you make me breakfast?"
Me: "Can you not reach your Halloween candy?"
@simoncholland: My wife said we would save money on Halloween candy if we bought it at Aldi so I guess we're handing out Twicks, Skattles, and 4 Musketeers.
@simoncholland: At some point all those Legos I've kicked down the vent instead of picking up over the years are going to be a major problem.
@simoncholland: My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
@simoncholland: There is no bigger warning of their behavior than my wife calling them, "your kids."
@simoncholland: My kid brought home a school fundraiser packet in case anyone wants a $43 roll of wrapping paper or an $80 candle.
@simoncholland: If you think Mayweather vs. McGregor is going to be a big fight, wait until my wife finds out I just paid $100 to watch it.