Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of sirmunchie's best tweets

@sirmunchie : JUST ONCE MORE! PLEEEEEEASE? I PROMISE THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME! LET ME DO IT AND I'LL NEVER ASK AGAIN! -Liam Neeson pitching "Taken 3"

@sirmunchie: My GF arrives in town next week. I'm so excited!

I just hope that all the tension w/ Russia doesn't make U.S. immigration hold up the mail.

@sirmunchie: For Valentine's Day my GF upped my life insurance policy.

Unrelated, anyone know why there's a ticking sound coming from underneath my car?

@sirmunchie: My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn't just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.

@sirmunchie: Me to my Boss: Excuse me, sir, can I ask a stupid question.

Boss: Better than anyone else I know...

@sirmunchie: Me: I'll write u a haiku!

Her: I'm just impressed u know how to spell haiku.

Me: *deletes "how to spell high-koo" from browser history*

@sirmunchie: Someday, my kids will say "daddy, wanna hear a cool story" and it will actually be followed by the telling of a cool story.