Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of six_2_and_even's best tweets

@six_2_and_even : My dog would like you to know that there are many many good sticks out there

@six_2_and_even: It’s not easy but it is possible to dance to Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas

@six_2_and_even: *dog watching me feed cat*
-I honestly can’t remember the last time I had food.
-I fed you exactly 1 minute ago
-has it been a week I think it’s been a week

@six_2_and_even: Sometimes you just need to splash cold water on your face and wander around looking for a towel for the next 4 years

@six_2_and_even: Sometimes I’ll break into a house to turn down a thermostat

@six_2_and_even: Baby wood ducks hurl themselves from a nest 60’ high on the second day of their little lives but ok son, I can transfer cash into your account so you can get an iced coffee.

@six_2_and_even: Honey can you pick up some bananas, melons, peaches, eggplants and clams at the Innuendo Market?

@six_2_and_even: Before I accept a new job I always ask where my statue will be erected.

@six_2_and_even: My wife is yelling THROW HER THROW HER during Olympic ice dancing with the bloodlust of 80,000 Roman citizens watching gladiators battle to the death.

@six_2_and_even: He had salt and pepper hair. There was also a hint of oregano. And bay leaves. His entire head was a bottle of Italian seasoning.