Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of skickwriter's best tweets

@skickwriter : There are two types of people in this world: those who finish things

@skickwriter: *Reads your ransom note*

*Edits for grammar and punctuation*

@skickwriter: I stole one of those Krispy Kreme "HOT NOW" signs and hung it over our bed because good communication is important in a marriage.

@skickwriter: I have a confession...

I don't like Oreos.

And it feels so great getting that off my chest!

*blocked by all of Twitter*

@skickwriter: Offering $50 and a case of beer to anyone who can take out my alarm clock and make it look like an accident.

@skickwriter: Him: *running* That's not what they mean when they say, "Chicks dig scars!"

Me: *shovel in hand* It's what this chick means.

@skickwriter: Me: He said he likes mac-n-cheese better the way his mom makes it.

Female judge: Case dismissed!

@skickwriter: Sorry, but that was only my favorite food in the world BEFORE you bought 5 cases of it at Costco.


@skickwriter: 5 & 8:
Mommy, may I wear these boots?
Can you find my jeans?
Will you brush my hair?
Will you tie my shoes?
Mommy, why aren't you ready?

@skickwriter: My microwave broke. So, we're finding innovative alternatives. Did y'all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.