Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of skickwriter's best tweets

@skickwriter : Him: *running* That's not what they mean when they say, "Chicks dig scars!" Me: *shovel in hand* It's what this chick means.

@skickwriter: Me: He said he likes mac-n-cheese better the way his mom makes it.

Female judge: Case dismissed!

@skickwriter: Sorry, but that was only my favorite food in the world BEFORE you bought 5 cases of it at Costco.

-Kids

@skickwriter: 5 & 8:
Mommy, may I wear these boots?
Can you find my jeans?
Will you brush my hair?
Will you tie my shoes?
Mommy, why aren't you ready?

@skickwriter: My microwave broke. So, we're finding innovative alternatives. Did y'all know the surface on top of the oven heats up, too? Honest to God.

@skickwriter: I'm beginning to think the dark circles that appeared under my eyes in 2008 may not go away.

@skickwriter: I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation.

@skickwriter: Six words that strike fear in the hearts of parents everywhere:

You've been volunteered as a chaperone

@skickwriter: I appreciate and am so thankful for all law enforcement officers

...until I'm driving.

@skickwriter: Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook.

I know that now.