Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of skittle624's best tweets

@skittle624 : Someone on Facebook added me to my high school reunion page and wants volunteers to help with it. I said I’d love to, but I have a pillow that I need to suffocate myself with instead.

@skittle624: If they handed out awards for peeling a hard boiled egg with grace, I would get absolutely nothing.

@skittle624: Too bad we can’t get paid for our funny tweets. I could probably make about $10.

@skittle624: *watching Hoarders

Wow. How crazy, I think, as I open my drawer to reveal 12 of my favorite mascaras.

@skittle624: Going on vacation is so expensive, but Camp Crystal Lake has the greatest deal this weekend. So I figured, why not? What’s the worst that can happen?

@skittle624: Me: Come on! Just kiss me. I always kiss you and it’s National Kissing Day. Stop being so stingy!!!!

Husband: Stace...leave the dogs alone FFS!

@skittle624: Just took my 3 dogs to the vet, so the family will be feasting on ramen noodles, beans, and no name chips for the next few months. At least the dogs are taken care of.

@skittle624: It’s so unfair how the houses on HGTV get remodeled in 30-60 minutes, but my house is taking 2-3 months.

@skittle624: I just bought orange juice and wine. No, not for mimosa’s. Orange juice for my husband, because he is sick. Wine for me, because my husband is sick.

@skittle624: My son just said there was too much cheese on his quesadilla. I don't understand where I went wrong.