Funny Tweeter

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Page of smithsara79's best tweets

@smithsara79 : [someone is rude to me online] It's really not worth getting upset over this [someone is rude to my friend online] Well, I guess I gotta make some stranger cry today

@smithsara79: Mom: *points to my yearbook photo* What a nerd, right?

BF: Haha your hair!

Me: *quietly* It was raining the day we took faculty pictures

@smithsara79: The fastest land animal is me when I'm upstairs and hear my dog about to throw up in the living room

@smithsara79: Oh really, we have nothing in common? Then how do you explain neither of us being able to stand me

@smithsara79: Date: I'm pretty easygoing, you?

Me: *regularly gets stressed out doing captcha tests bc I don't know if bushes count as trees* Definitely.

@smithsara79: Me: Hey Mom!

My mom: Oh haha I get that all the time

Me: Wha-

Definitely my mom: *walking away from me* Just one of those faces, I guess!

@smithsara79: *watches The Matrix and just gets increasingly annoyed at how unrealistic it is for Trinity and Neo to wear sunglasses inside*

@smithsara79: Me: If I had a nickel for every time a guy interrupted me, I'd-

Some guy: Be rich?

Me: -put them in a sock and hit you with it

@smithsara79: Soundgarden: Black hole sun, won't you come and wash away the rain

Neil deGrasse Tyson: Literally nothing about that is right

@smithsara79: "Better safe than sorry," I say, as I key my phone number into the side of his car