@smithsara79 : "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take," I whisper to myself as I hit send on that sixth unanswered text
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@smithsara79: OB-GYN: Ever consider having kids?
Me: *remembers the time I heard some man tell a little girl to smile & she told him to die* Just once.
@smithsara79: *4-yr old niece tells me about trip to Empire State Building
Her: It's so tall, I almost touched the moon!
Me: Oh you are so full of shit!
@smithsara79: Me: *crying* B-but... but you said...
Waiter: *sigh* "Unlimited" breadsticks, I know ma'am, but we're closing now & you have to go
@smithsara79: Me: [on a scale] What? How did I gain weight?
Friend: Didn't you eat Taco Bell for each meal everyday last week?
Me: Uh, yeah, as a *joke*
@smithsara79: You don't really know true fear until you're headed to work to teach at a middle school after you tried cutting your own bangs