@sofarrsogud: I really think the person who first discovered the hallucinogenic effects of licking certain toads was probably on enough drugs already.
@sofarrsogud: [First day working in an optometrists]
Me: They’re called reading glasses but they don’t actually read. You still have to do that.
Optometrist: Can I see you in my office?
Me: *nudges customer* I would hope so lol
@sofarrsogud: WIFE: You’re not going to the costume party dressed like that!
ME: DONALD DUCK DOESN’T WEAR PANTS, BRENDA!!
@sofarrsogud: Text from girlfriend: I love u more than anything else
Me: I love all the letters equally
@sofarrsogud: I’ve banned my kid from his X Box today so he’s gone to a barn on the outskirts of town to dance out his frustrations.