@sofarrsogud: WHAT I SAID:
Woah! You look like Tina Turner on meth.
WHAT I SHOULD'VE SAID:
Good Morning Honey.
@sofarrsogud: Guys, ladies love a rugged man.
Be like a wolf.
Knock down her house.
Eat her grandmother.
Tear her to shreds.
*makes wolf sounds
@sofarrsogud: The running up the steps scene from Rocky, but it's a penguin, and it takes four and a half hours.
@sofarrsogud: 3 AM
BRAIN: You awake?
ME: I am now!
B: I was wondering..
B: Did the inventor of the elasticated waistband get the Nobelt Prize?
@sofarrsogud: ME: Yeah, I've heard that movie.
FRIEND: You mean 'seen' that movie.
ME: Ha ha. No! I'm on twitter. I haven't seen a movie in 3 years.
@sofarrsogud: ON PHONE WITH MY MOM
HER: You still single and living with your stray cat family?
ME: *proudly* No I am not!
*high fives my pet penguin
@sofarrsogud: ME: This is false advertising. I've been here an hour and nobody has even touched me. So lonely.
COP: Again, not what a holding cell is for
@sofarrsogud: Yeah, but is it Tyrannosauri Rex or Tyrannosaurus Rexes?
*The Jehovahs Witness slams my own door in my face