Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of sofarrsogud's best tweets

@sofarrsogud : Me: What sneakers are you wearing? Her: Converse Me: Omg Sandra, that’s what I’m trying to do.

@sofarrsogud: Who called it a volcanic eruption and not a lavalanche?

Aaaaaand...send.

@sofarrsogud: I really think the person who first discovered the hallucinogenic effects of licking certain toads was probably on enough drugs already.

@sofarrsogud: [First day working in an optometrists]

Me: They’re called reading glasses but they don’t actually read. You still have to do that.

Optometrist: Can I see you in my office?

Me: *nudges customer* I would hope so lol

@sofarrsogud: WIFE: You’re not going to the costume party dressed like that!

ME: DONALD DUCK DOESN’T WEAR PANTS, BRENDA!!

@sofarrsogud: Text from girlfriend: I love u more than anything else

Me: I love all the letters equally

@sofarrsogud: I’ve banned my kid from his X Box today so he’s gone to a barn on the outskirts of town to dance out his frustrations.

@sofarrsogud: [God creating the squirrel] Shrink a red panda and give it cocaine.

@sofarrsogud: BREAKING: Scarlet Johansson to play Idris Elba as James Bond

@sofarrsogud: What genius called it a ‘bar’ and not an ‘alcohall’?