@sofarrsogud: CREATION OF THE WORLD DAY 1
ANGEL: I'm looking forward to watching this project evolve.
GOD: We NEVER use that word here
@sofarrsogud: *makes 9 yr old son memorise my phone number in case he gets lost
[He gets lost]
*I don't answer my phone as I don't recognise the number
@sofarrsogud: BUFFALO: I was only a kid. I showed Dad my report card. He smiled, hugged me and said 'good bison'. I never saw him agai...oh, ok I see now
@sofarrsogud: ME: Thanks for all you did man. It's because of people like you, we have our freedom.
HIM: Again, I'm a veterinarian.
@sofarrsogud: 🎶 It's raining yen. Hallelujah, it's raining yen
- Winners of the Japanese lottery, probably
@sofarrsogud: Before we were married, my wife was like a tiger in the bedroom.
Now she's more like a possum.
She plays dead whenever a snake approaches.
@sofarrsogud: *Son storms in
'DAD! Teacher told me that hibernation is NOT a country of stoner bears and that you're to stop helping me with my homework'