@somecleverthing: Plagiarism is bad? Change a few words, that shit is yours. It's like when you change a baby's clothes- new baby. New baby that's yours now.
@somecleverthing: I just had the thought "pfft. Your father can't die before you are born," and I believed it for a full minute. Because I'm smert.
@somecleverthing: Want to avoid making excuses when people ask you to hang out? Always say no when someone asks "wanna hear something amazing?"
@somecleverthing: Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one.
@somecleverthing: Turtleneck pro: if you wear one while you're eating you can't get crumbs in your bra.
Turtleneck con: see above.
@somecleverthing: discontinue use and talk to your doctor if you experience death, as this may be a sign of a more serious condition.