Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of sonictyrant's best tweets

@sonictyrant : Me: can i get that last tub of frozen cow juice ? Sales assistant: oh ha ha, thats ben and jerry's Me: *Leans in and slides a 50 over the counter* i wont tell em if you dont

@sonictyrant: I shouldn't say this aloud but which idiot called it bug spray and not buzz kill

@sonictyrant: "Now that i've completed my teleportation device, the world and its wonders are mine to behold"

*Teleports to the nearest taco bell*

@sonictyrant: Me: waiter, this crab is way too fresh

Crab *to my wife* damn girl I’d like to dip you in butter and put you on a roll

Woman at the next table: i'll have what she’s having

@sonictyrant: Me: I love star wars movies
Friend: What's your favourite line?
Me: Probably "aaaaarggh...Luke ya scurvy dog, I am yer fartha"
Friend: Sounds like a pirate copy