Funny Tweeter

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Page of stevevsninjas's best tweets

@stevevsninjas : One time I stepped on a sea urchin and I forgot all about the migraine I was having, so yeah, I'd say acupuncture is pretty effective.

@stevevsninjas: *fire alarm goes off at typewriter factory, causing all employees to jump up at the same time and wedge together in the doorway*

@stevevsninjas: Bear Grylls: *cuts with knife* These can be edible, but I must avoid the toxic parts.
Taco Bell Manager: You need permission to film in here

@stevevsninjas: wife: what's wrong?
slug: boss said I work slowly.
wife: he's harsh. take it with a grain of-

@stevevsninjas: Dad: [tied to chair] You'll never make me talk.
Bad Guy: *pulls back a velvet curtain revealing a wall with hundreds of thermostats*

@stevevsninjas: Me: Can you check my balance on this gift card?
Cashier: ok
Me: [ steps on card, lifts other foot without wavering ] Pretty good, right?

@stevevsninjas: Machine uprising? Ha! What can they do? Toaster gonna burn my bagel? Vending machine gonna steal my money?

Like they do now... Holy shit.

@stevevsninjas: -Balderdash!

Victorian Era YouTube comments

@stevevsninjas: This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets.

@stevevsninjas: If you tase an electrician, he only becomes more powerful.