@stevevsninjas: *fire alarm goes off at typewriter factory, causing all employees to jump up at the same time and wedge together in the doorway*
@stevevsninjas: Bear Grylls: *cuts with knife* These can be edible, but I must avoid the toxic parts.
Taco Bell Manager: You need permission to film in here
@stevevsninjas: wife: what's wrong?
slug: boss said I work slowly.
wife: he's harsh. take it with a grain of-
slug: TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF WHAT, DIANE?
@stevevsninjas: Dad: [tied to chair] You'll never make me talk.
Bad Guy: *pulls back a velvet curtain revealing a wall with hundreds of thermostats*
@stevevsninjas: Me: Can you check my balance on this gift card?
Me: [ steps on card, lifts other foot without wavering ] Pretty good, right?
@stevevsninjas: Machine uprising? Ha! What can they do? Toaster gonna burn my bagel? Vending machine gonna steal my money?
Like they do now... Holy shit.
Victorian Era YouTube comments
@stevevsninjas: This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets.