@sweetandweak: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
@sweetandweak: Him: my name is Robert but my friends call me Bob, you can call me whatever you like.
Me: Cool, nice to meet you Nachos.
@sweetandweak: I wear a neck brace to the gym because it makes my physical ineptitude less embarrassing.
@sweetandweak: Daughter just told me, "Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches."
One day her picture will be on money.