Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of swiftenhaal's best tweets

@swiftenhaal : Just ordered Dominos while at Dominos because I need a ride home.

@swiftenhaal: Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat and then I remember they just feed off attention.

@swiftenhaal: Carp we hit an iceberg!
What am I herring? This scampi true!
Whale I squid you not
Oh cod I can't die
Waterboat me? You're so shellfish


@swiftenhaal: If Iron Man and the Man of Steel were to team up, they'd be powerful alloys.

@swiftenhaal: I'm only watching the royal wedding for the bishop. I've always wanted to see a person who only moves diagonally.