Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of tangledteatime's best tweets

@tangledteatime : Me: Let me pet your dogs, mister! Him: Not you again. Get outta here! [LATER] Me: *wearing moustache* Excuse me sir

@tangledteatime: Me: Alright. Does everyone have their parachutes?

Paul: Yup.

Dave who sometimes lies for fun: *giggling* Yah.

@tangledteatime: Me: Dave got arrested for forgery

Her: For real?

Me: No for fake

@tangledteatime: Me: Am I your only friend?

Imaginary friend: Sure are!

Imaginary friend's imaginary friend: Wow, I'm right here.

@tangledteatime: Her: I got hit by lightning when I was younger

Me: did you die

@tangledteatime: An eight year old offered to sell me drugs. Isn't that disgusting? Why would I pay when I can just beat him up and take them? He's EIGHT.

@tangledteatime: Him: Your jokes just aren't relatable to most people.

Me: *angrily binges on caviar*