@tastefactory: The ants won't go in the poison traps so I made some modifications to lure them in
@tastefactory: COWARDLY LION: Give me courage
SCARECROW: Give me a brain
ROB THOMAS: Gimme a heart, make it real or else forget about it
TIN MAN: Oh ok Rob
@tastefactory: The best part about Halloween is seeing people in costume doing normal shit. Just saw a Dracula standing by a car eating potato chips.
@tastefactory: *I finish setting up a display of skeletons in my front yard*
Neighbor: Great Halloween display!
Me: What is halloween?
@tastefactory: [the year 2057]
iPhone 49: *reaches for some of my fries*
Me: No. if you wanted fries you should have ordered some
@tastefactory: Car commercials grossly overestimate how much time I spend driving around in the desert
@tastefactory: *firefighter wraps me in blanket after he rescues me*
Um I just came out of a fire so I'm pretty hot actually
@tastefactory: ME: Actually, her name is not Khaleesi. That's her Dothraki title. Her name is Daenerys Targaryen.
GUY ON SUBWAY: I didn't say anything