@tastefactory: [turns to date during movie where bank robbers laugh & toss money around motel room] They won't be laughing when it's time to pick it all up
@tastefactory: 12 YEAR OLD: I wrote a movie script called Suicide Squad but it's bad *throws in trash*
HOLLYWOOD PRODUCER: *walks by trash* Hey what's this
@tastefactory: Wizard: Give me a burger
Waiter: what's the magic word?
Waiter: *now a hamster* I meant please, but ok
@tastefactory: YANKEE DOODLE: *sticks feather in his cap* This is called macaroni
YANKEE DOODLE'S FRIEND: Ok, cool. Listen man, everybody's worried about u
@tastefactory: Boss: You're fired
Me: No YOU'RE fired
Boss: *starts sweating*
@tastefactory: Worst Betrayals in History:
- Judas turning on Jesus
- Brutus helping to murder Caesar
- Verizon guy going to work for Sprint
@tastefactory: We really are the most blessed generation. We've had 7 iPhones and 7 Fast and Furious movies.
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being.
GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being
@tastefactory: I've been chasing a fly around my apartment for like 20 mins with a rolled up magazine. There's a really good article I think he should see