Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of texasstalkermom's best tweets

@texasstalkermom : Him: Can I have your number? Me: *looks up from texting I don’t have a phone.

@texasstalkermom: Ways to get me naked:

1. Be hot
2. Be funny
3. Be alcohol
4. Pretend to be my gynecologist

@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.

@texasstalkermom: If you want to intimidate anyone with your screaming and honking, you may need to rethink those reindeer antlers on your car.

@texasstalkermom: Want his attention?

Send nudes

Want to piss him off?

When he responds,
reply "Oops, wrong person"

@texasstalkermom: If you keep laughing then you'll always have the last laugh.

@texasstalkermom: How many beer trucks can you "accidentally" run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?

@texasstalkermom: You're pretty cocky for someone with such a small...