Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of texasstalkermom's best tweets

@texasstalkermom : Society: Dance like no ones watching. Also society: Records it for everyone to see.

@texasstalkermom: Naked and afraid, but it’s just me taking off all of my clothing before I weigh myself.

@texasstalkermom: Him: Can I have your number?

Me: *looks up from texting
I don’t have a phone.

@texasstalkermom: Ways to get me naked:

1. Be hot
2. Be funny
3. Be alcohol
4. Pretend to be my gynecologist

@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.

@texasstalkermom: If you want to intimidate anyone with your screaming and honking, you may need to rethink those reindeer antlers on your car.