@themiltron: [showing my pool to a friend] and this is my hole, it's where i keep too much water
@themiltron: humans: we're gonna eat you
chicken: shit, i guess i better lay some eggs to further the species
humans: cool, we'll eat those too
@themiltron: PERSON WHO JUST INVENTED WINDOWS: Check it out.
PERSON WHO’S ABOUT TO INVENT CURTAINS: I hate it.
@themiltron: [the invention of money]
i want your stuff
"it's mine tho"
what if i gave you a hard circle or a long paper
@themiltron: her: what's your sign? im a cancer
me [never heard of astrology before]: im a aids
@themiltron: [first day as a coroner]
me: he died at 11:42AM
detective: are you positive
me: it's hard with all this death but i'm hanging in there
@themiltron: i couldn't tell you, officer, they were wearing masks, they could have been any group of armed anthropomorphic turtles
@themiltron: god: behold, my creatio--
people: some rocks are more important than others
people: i would literally kill for the yellow rock