Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of theroneman's best tweets

@theroneman : Clyde: I'm looking 4 a partner. What's ur name? "Bonnie" C: That ur real name? "Nope. Jekyll Elizabeth Parker" C: ...Bonnie it is

@theroneman: Captain: You’re suspended. Turn in ur badge and gun.
[he does, but immediately grows a new badge and gun]
Godammit, u were born to be a cop.

@theroneman: [stacks of books on floor]
Impressive, son.
[son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others]
"Yep; perfect height" [turns on Xbox]

@theroneman: [mom sneaks up & scares son; ruins coloring]
Narrator: Does this happen to u? Then u need...
[cut to mom jumping on 1 foot & yelling]
Legos

@theroneman: Son, there's only one thing in life to fear.
[Car full of bears with machine guns drives by]
Son, there are only two things in life to fear.