@theshantilly: Therapist: How do you feel?
Me: With my hands.
T: Do you deflect a lot?
Me: Only sharp objects. If it's fluffy, I just let it hit me.
@theshantilly: Don't let anyone tell you who you are unless you're concussed and confused and genuinely need to know.
@theshantilly: If you can't stand me at my worst then WAIT COME BACK HERE WHERE ARE YOU GOING
@theshantilly: My dog tried to kill someone for talking to me, which is basically the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.
@theshantilly: 9: I'm writing a book based on a true story.
Me: Make me look good.
9: FINE. I'll write something else.
@theshantilly: 7: We should probably sell our pets before they get old and die.
I guess I know which of my kids is NOT getting power of attorney.
@theshantilly: Coworker: You look angry.
Me: I'm not.
CW: Really angry.
Me: THIS IS MY NORMAL FACE
@theshantilly: My whole life is that moment when you send an important e-mail mentioning an attachment without the actual attachment.