@theyearofelan: If there is one thing the Internet has taught us it is that even the dumbest people on Earth have somehow learned how to use the Internet
@theyearofelan: Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven because they wouldn't let you in because you're terrible?
@theyearofelan: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
@theyearofelan: Don't be sad when your exes unfollow you. It just means they'll spend more time manually checking your updates
@theyearofelan: Should I buy a new pair of sunglasses or just leave $60 in a restaurant?
@theyearofelan: Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???