Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of trojansauce's best tweets

@trojansauce : [watching the little mermaid] NEPHEW: mermaids arent real SISTER: not in front of your uncle- ME *slamming down my beer* I KNOW WHAT I SEEN

@trojansauce: [being held back from my burning house by firemen]

get off me you bastar- MY VIN DIESEL BODY PILLOW IS STILL IN THERE

@trojansauce: [pitching a tent]
INVESTOR: this really isn't a new idea

@trojansauce: BOSS: tell me about susanne
ME: *takes a drag of cigarette* ah, the one that got away
BOSS: you're a zoo keeper none of them should get away

@trojansauce: [first day in the mafia]
ME: *bursts in out of breath* STOP!
BOSS: what
ME: i just found out that this is *whispers* illegal

@trojansauce: [after frodo throws the ring into the volcano]
FRODO: well?
VOLCANO: omg yes!
FRODO: i love you
VOLCANO: i love you too

@trojansauce: [me as a gynaecologist]
*pronouncing womb like it rhymes with bomb*

@trojansauce: NIETZSCHE: god is dead! he remains dead! and we have killed him!
ME AS NIETZSCHE'S LAWYER: your honour we're gonna need a recess

@trojansauce: daniel radcliffe's family were just known as the cliffe's until his great grandfather invented the kick flip

@trojansauce: [after raking leaves into a pile on my lawn]
ME: ah, perfect. these leaves are all tidy and there is nothing that can change this