Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of trojansauce's best tweets

@trojansauce : [me as a poltergeist] *replacing the coffee with decaf* ooooOooOooooo

@trojansauce: [alien in starbucks to make a cash withdrawal]

well, the name is misleading tbh

@trojansauce: [first day as a funeral photographer]
ok now let's try a silly one

@trojansauce: [me as a computer scientist] *pouring a computer into a test tube*

@trojansauce: ME: can we pull over and get mcdonalds im hungry
KIDNAPPER: omg shut up

@trojansauce: got fired from my job in the funeral home for inventing casketball

@trojansauce: DATE: how about we move this to the bedroom?

ME: give me one minute

*i kiss all my beanie babies on the head and put them on the ground*

@trojansauce: [first day of judge school]
ME: bang the gavel?i hardly know the gavel
TEACHER: *maintains eye contact & crosses something out on clipboard*

@trojansauce: [as the bride enters the church and heads down the aisle]

@trojansauce: [watching the little mermaid]
NEPHEW: mermaids arent real
SISTER: not in front of your uncle-
ME *slamming down my beer* I KNOW WHAT I SEEN