Funny Tweeter

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Page of tsm560's best tweets

@tsm560 : I can make just about anything happen simply by hoping it won't.

@tsm560: Keep messing with those Snapchat filters and your face is gonna stay that way.

@tsm560: *saves the date*

Date: I have a boyfriend. Try the fig.

@tsm560: I feel like I'm always on the outside looking in... and great the cops are here again.

@tsm560: It's not much of a tattoo. More of an inkling.

@tsm560: [in bed]

Her: Easy, cowboy. I'm not having unprotected sex.
Me: No worries!
Her: Where are you going?
Me: To lock the front door.
Her: ...

@tsm560: Wishing for bad shit to happen to people you hate is so wrong. You gotta be way more proactive than that.

@tsm560: People who say they'll be late for their own funeral*

*trust me. you'll make it.

@tsm560: Reverse psychology is like regular psychology except the woman is facing the other way.

@tsm560: If history is any indication a lot more stuff is bound to happen.