@turtledumplin: When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over.
-me, right now
@turtledumplin: Someone on my FB posted a snap that said "I'm boared"
And I'm just like.......
@turtledumplin: I won't slam on my brakes if someone's tailgating me...I will, however, take my foot off the accelerator and slowly come to a stop.
@turtledumplin: 8yo: mommy how old are you?
8yo: *blink blink* so you seen a real dinosaur?
@turtledumplin: A zombie apocalypse will be the only time you'll hear me say 'please don't eat me'
@turtledumplin: Before he leaves for work, my husband whispers the 3 words I love to hear him say...
"I made coffee"
@turtledumplin: Why would anyone come on Twitter JUST to argue?
Don't you have an ex, or a spouse, or a family member that you can argue with?