@tylerschmall: England's gonna have a rude awakening when they go to war and all their knights are actors and musicians.
@tylerschmall: "Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria."
"[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati
@tylerschmall: Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem.
@tylerschmall: *walks into Babies R Us*
Hi I'd like to buy a baby.
"Sir we don't-"
*I slide him a 100 dollar bill*
"This way please."