@urmumsausername: At first I was afraid
I'd be electrified
I dropped a knife over my toaster now it's trapped inside
& I spent oh so many minutes
Thinking how to right this wrong
The current's strong
Will I be dead before too long?
@urmumsausername: *Unexpected item in the bagging area*
Me: Well what item exactly WERE you expecting?
@urmumsausername: Do the sellers of 'The Daily Cannabis' newspaper shout
"WEED ALL ABOUT IT!" ?
They so should
@urmumsausername: My son just walked into the room, said hello, asked how I was, then left.
He didn't actually want anything.
I know! Incredible!
Oh and then I fainted.
@urmumsausername: Now I lay me down to sleep
I hope you like this and retweet
If I should die before I wake
I may have eaten too much cake
@urmumsausername: I saw a TV for sale for only £1 because the volume button was stuck
Did I buy it?
Of course I did!
Well, I couldn't turn it down
@urmumsausername: Dear America
Would you please take the 's' off the word 'legos' and put it back on the word 'math' where it belongs.