Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ventivodkacran's best tweets

@ventivodkacran : ...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for "I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"

@ventivodkacran: Unknown person parked their car in my driveway, now it's my car.

That's how that works, right?

@ventivodkacran: You'd think these people on Grey's Anatomy would've already figured out that a major disaster is going to happen every year around May.

@ventivodkacran: I have too much stuff in my closet, so no one can be certain Tom Cruise isn't hanging out in there, too.

@ventivodkacran: Dinosaurs never had peanut butter and jelly and they all died.

@ventivodkacran: This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.

@ventivodkacran: When someone yells "STOP!" I never know if it's Hammertime or if I should collaborate and listen.