@wendchymes: Dated a mime once - God was it good - he did sooooo many ~unspeakable things~to me ....
@wendchymes: Sure, a cooking robot was a great idea til he became sentient & burned your house down cause you didn't fully appreciate his chicken Vesuvio
"Careful, that's my bad knee!"
"Oh great, now my arm is numb!"
"I think I need to ice something"
"Maybe we should rest for a minute!"
- sex in your 40's
@wendchymes: Baby I’m gonna rock your world but first give me an hour and a half to get these skinny jeans off
@wendchymes: My boyfriend finally proposed to me, well he proposed that I stop saying he’s my boyfriend and that I get off his lawn and just leave him alone.
@wendchymes: If hackers really wanted to scare us they would post all of our deleted selfies instead of stealing our financial info
@wendchymes: My friend had her baby at home and I can’t even give myself a manicure at home