Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of wesjohnson8's best tweets

@wesjohnson8 : My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.

@wesjohnson8: 62% of swimmers say they pee in the ocean....... now you know why SpongeBob is yellow.

@wesjohnson8: It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."

@wesjohnson8: Dreaming you're peeing can be a very dangerous dream.

@wesjohnson8: "What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?" Officer, "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle."

@wesjohnson8: When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.

@wesjohnson8: I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.

@wesjohnson8: Boy at FBI headquarters saw pictures of 10 most wanted men & said, "Why didn't you keep them when you took their picture?"

@wesjohnson8: The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.