Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of whalesmells's best tweets

@whalesmells : me: so did it hurt? her: yes, a lot me: when i splashed that salsa in your eye? her: I SAID YES

@whalesmells: Roses are red
Violets are blue
Bad boys bad boys

@whalesmells: When someone you don't like is eating them, chips sound like 1000 asteroids smashing into the polar ice caps.

@whalesmells: You're the apple of my eye.
The grape of my elbow.
The lemon of my foot.
The banana of my hair.
My sweet hair banana.

@whalesmells: Gf: What's the dog eating?
Me: Piece of hotdog.
Dog: [chewing slows] WHAT.