Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of wickedsuga's best tweets

@wickedsuga : You: "Calm down!" Me: *kills you, calmly

@wickedsuga: My cashier at the grocery store bagged the tomatoes with the ketchup and I swear I could hear them screaming.

@wickedsuga: Found $5 in my pocket.

I vow not to let my wealth change me.

@wickedsuga: Don't just assume I'm crazy. Let this wedding album I photoshopped you into speak for itself.

@wickedsuga: Look, if all you have is candy corn in this van, I'm going to have to get out.

@wickedsuga: This kid in target fell on the ground screaming bc his mom wouldn't buy him candy

& now she's yelling for us both to get up and be quiet.

@wickedsuga: *buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn

@wickedsuga: Boy giraffe: You wanna?

Girl giraffe: Ok, but kiss my neck first.

Boy giraffe: But Babe, we only have 3 hours!

@wickedsuga: I won't block you, but I will put a curse on you that you'll never be able to finish a sneeze ever again for the rest of your life.

@wickedsuga: Randomly play a recording of a candy bar wrapper being opened just to keep your kids on their toes.