Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of yenniwhite's best tweets

@yenniwhite : I successfully hid chocolate chip cookies from my children, making today’s parenting score: Kids: 43,290 Mom: 1

@yenniwhite: My toddler said "I'm happy" and then "We're best friends." But it turns out she was talking to her cheese.

@yenniwhite: "Don't play with your food," I say to a toddler eating crackers shaped like farm animals.

@yenniwhite: Parenting goals before having kids: make tons of blanket forts, never lose your temper, appreciate every minute.

After: sit down.

@yenniwhite: The hardest part of parenting is sharing the chocolate chip cookies. And your heart walking around outside your body. But mainly cookies.

@yenniwhite: As a kid, I always wondered why my mom never wore the macaroni necklace I made her to work. And now I'm a mom and I'm like, Oh. OK.

@yenniwhite: The first rule of Fight Club is to have a sibling.

@yenniwhite: A GPS. But for where your story is going.

@yenniwhite: Take the road less traveled. Like, the one with the most mud, or the wettest grass, even if there’s a sidewalk nearby.

-Kids

@yenniwhite: 50% of raising kids is begging them to use their words.

50% is begging them to be quiet.