Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of yonewt's best tweets

@yonewt : How To Be Interesting: Never pronounce "Ray Liotta" the same way twice

@yonewt: Alexa, which cat breeds are the most absorbent?

@yonewt: To print a document from your laptop:
1. Select document
2. Click "Print"
3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time

@yonewt: HOW TO BE ONE OF THE COOL KIDS ON TWITTER:

1. Pick an adjective
2. Add "AF"
3. Enjoy your new life, sans shame and ridicule

@yonewt: Listening to "Bad Company" by Bad Company from their album "Bad Company" how do they come up with this stuff

@yonewt: This town's getting on my nerves, gonna blow off some steam by doing a dance routine at the abandoned warehouse.

@yonewt: You're damn right I want to complete an online survey, hand that receipt right here.

@yonewt: Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie

@yonewt: Searching for that special woman to share my interest in candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and losing my shit over inanimate objects

@yonewt: Congratulations, FB friend looking forward to an anniversary dinner tonight with your "sweatie"