@yoyoha: Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law
@yoyoha: Johnny Depp is proof that if you dress like you're a member of a rock band long enough one will just form around you eventually
@yoyoha: Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
@yoyoha: 8yo Me: *sneaks candy*
14yo Me: *sneaks cigarettes*
18yo Me: *sneaks alcohol*
43yo Me: *sneaks candy*
Being an adult is stupid.
@yoyoha: I bet Hannibal Lecter was pretty disappointed when he found out a five finger discount had nothing to do with purchasing fingers.
@yoyoha: Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently.
@yoyoha: STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter
STEP 2: Receive email newsletter
STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life
@yoyoha: there should be a jail just for people that don't break apart kit kats before they eat them