@FloodyHippie: *uses your voodoo doll as a tampon*
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@SmartassChef: Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask "What kind of meat is that?" and they answer "yes"
@TravLeBlanc: I wanna write a tweet that is so good that I can retire and just live off the retweets for the rest of my life.
@topaz_kell: [impatiently yells] "What do I have to do to get a margarita around here??" And that's when I got kicked out of Dairy Queen.