@FloodyHippie: *uses your voodoo doll as a tampon*
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@moose_chocolate: The E. coli in the city water supply means I am just one glass away from my goal weight.
@duplicitron: I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.
@WilliamRodgers: Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don't have Cancer! Me: So it's working...
@MMFlint: Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world's largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.