@InternetHippo: Using Craigslist can get you murdered, but that’s only one of its many advantages
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@AdamTheLobster: I always see homeless people walking around with cups of change. I bet they could afford a house if they werent drinking money all the time.
@Carbosly: Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty.
@XLToast: Help! Has anybody seen a little boy with a corndog? Stranger: He's over there! Oh thank God! [steals little boy's corndog and runs away]