@InternetHippo: Using Craigslist can get you murdered, but that’s only one of its many advantages
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@NotOnTheMoors: You could've cut the atmosphere with a knife; disapproval radiated from every doorway. I'd missed cat feeding time by two hours.
@johnbiehl: Enrique Iglesias wants to 1. Be your hero 2. Kiss away your pain 3. Stand by you forever Enrique Iglesias is your mother
@SortaBad: [sees crush] Oh you're going to the mall? Wow weird me too. I totally need a new *tries to think of something at the mall* escalator
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.