@MickSnark: Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
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@jeffswarens: The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt
@drinksmcgee: I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig… Until I realize that maybe she has a type.
@BlindChow: Though he came from a long line of spoons, Sammy Spork always noticed a slight resemblance to Mom's friend Frank, the fork living next door.