@MickSnark: Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
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@torrami: An army of pandas descends on a fortress of evil trolls. The pandas are soft, cuddly, & deadly. It's the most adorable massacre in history.
@rzarosco: I dont use one of those unfollower sites like a psycho. I use my handwritten list of followers and crosscheck it daily like a NORMAL PERSON!
@FknVancouver: My dog is so excited about me washing the car that I'm starting to think he borrows it while I'm asleep
@_definitlymaybe: If couples who are in love are called love birds, then really, couples who always fight should be called angry birds!