@MickSnark: Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
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@ArfMeasures: COP: There's been a murder BATMAN: I won't rest until I avenge them C: It's outside of Gotham B: Actually I have got a lot on at the moment
@HelloCullen: Yall keep making fun of millennials you gonna regret all those karate lessons you bought us
@trims_the_fat: Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their's that they don't ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE (noticing lipstick on my collar): have you been kissing another woman? ME: uhh MY DOG (with bright pink lips): go on, tell her