@MickSnark: Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
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@CelebrityGaucho: [Spelling bee, to clench victory] "O,P... (hesitates) A,W,E,S,O,M,E." Judges? (Opossum judges whispering for a bit) Correct.
@BatmanOffDuty: One day I bet bullets will be replaced by flowers, and guns will probably be replaced by something that fires flowers with deadly force.
@SalmaElWardany1: Watching Grey's Anatomy teaches me that if I'm really sad, I should walk slowly down a corridor to a Snow Patrol track.
@aaronnemo: Me: You're the only one who truly gets me. Chipotle guy: What? Me: I said chicken. Chicken burrito.