@heatherjs: Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
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@atthecubicle: Having kids is like continually cleaning up after a huge party that you didn't attend.
@CatherineLMK: "Damnit!" -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps.
@QuietPsycho: Absinthe For when you'd love to wake up in the morning...naked on a raft in your neighbour's pool, but lack the motivation