@shutupmikeginn: Using the domino's pizza tracker app seems like a great way to carjack someone you know isn't going to put up that much of a fight
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: M: If I cashew looking through my windows agai- H: What? M: I saw you pecan! H: No, I wasn- M: You're macadamian me mad. H: You're nuts.
@FrenulumBreve: *Britney Spears releases a new fragrance* *the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*
@ilovepie84: "I don't think Gay Guys should be able to get abortions" -Me when someone asks me a question that I don't know the answer to.