@tequilasaltlife: Vacuum the cat, its easier than vacuuming his hair from the whole house
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@LovestruckLayla: So I have one coworker who uses "irregardless" and another who uses "unappropriate" and now I'm over trying to conversate with these people.
@LaziestCanine: [stuck on an island] message in bottle: if anyone gets this, please save us bottle returns: if this gets 10k RTs on Twitter we'll send help
@erikbransteen: Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?
@ItMightBeJimbo: Two seats open. One next to a good looking girl who noticed me as I walked in. The other by a wall outlet. She'll find love in another man.