@KKAlThani: Imagine a shark eating pizza. Imagine you were frog. Imagine a donkey wearing a skirt. Imagine someone telling you to imagine stupid things.

@OnlyFastEddie: The closest I've ever come to winning anything was that time I got picked from a lineup at the station.

@RealSugarFree: So far at work I've straightened a paper clip then tried bending it back to its original shape. Employee of the month right here.

@cogentanalysis: I like my men like I like my coffee: encouraging my bowel movements

@candace_9871: Boss approaches, I frantically close my google image search of cats hugging, only to show a new window of cats in formal wear. I get fired.