@NoChillPosts: VALID POINT
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@lecalabara: Wife: I finally caught you. I could hear it from the other room. You were watching a dirty movie. Me: No. Its just womens tennis.
@murrman5: *holds up 2 ties* which one, I have a big meeting today "both are nice" [wife calls later] "how'd it go" well, wearing 2 ties was a disaster
@WayneL_Jr: That Chief Keef album hypnotized me earlier. I didn't even realize I was stealing from my mama purse until she paused my music.
@JessObsess: I tell people I'm narcoleptic so if I fall asleep when they're talking to me I don't seem rude.