@sanbay: Vanilla body wash.... smells amazing.... tastes like shit. Someone needs to figure that out.
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@ClichedOut: [first day as lifeguard] Kid: *waving dramatically* Me: hey are u waving at me or those kids behind me?
@StellaRtwot: I like to yawn in front of people so they yawn and then I can say "You're tired I should go."
@Parentpains: Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can't help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.