@kentgrossarth: Vegetarian: 'You know, a cow died so you could have that burger'. Me: 'Maybe he died because you keep eating all of his food'.
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@radtoria: my cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it's giving me serious ideas, folks
@novicefather: Wife: 2 is driving me crazy and I want to drive off a cliff. Me: No I need the car.
@girlontapas: I tried to let the wine breathe but it needed mouth to mouth. So who's the hero now?